For many, dating apps can feel more like a gambling trip than a path to romance. Disappearing mid-conversation can lead to low self-esteem and automatic reaching for your phone to check messages can signal dependency. Together with psychologist Edvardas Šidlauskas, LRT.lt explored the psychological risks these apps can pose to mental health.
Rasa, a long-time user of Tinder, admits she often scrolls through men’s profiles almost mechanically, judging only by looks and sometimes skipping bios entirely. “I know it reduces my chances of finding a partner, but I still do it,” she says.
Over eight years, she’s had three relationships that started on dating apps – but she also describes the experience as emotionally draining, with unpleasant, dirty messages and constant effort required to keep conversations going.
“You have to be psychologically resilient, because people can write absolutely anything to you. And the nature of the internet is that I can’t avoid seeing it – before opening a message, I don’t know what kind of content awaits me. There’s no real way to shield myself from online psychological abuse,” she says.
Psychologist Edvardas Šidlauskas says emotional exhaustion is a natural experience for many dating app users. Spending large amounts of time on these platforms, he notes, can also intensify symptoms of anxiety and depression – a link supported by scientific research.
“Searching for potential partners is tied to constant hope, expectations, and a sense of excitement. All of this comes at a real cost to our bodies. Generating emotions requires energy, and over time it drains a person – this is emotional exhaustion.
Rejection can also trigger anxiety: I write to someone and they don’t reply; I search for a long time and don’t find anyone, so I start thinking something must be wrong with me. The brain tends to equate online conversations with real relationships,” the psychologist explains.
Šidlauskas claims that dating apps function much like gambling platforms, using the same behavioral psychology and positive reinforcement to keep users engaged.
It's basic conditioning: a reward – a pleasant emotion – is given for the desired behaviour, repeated several times until the behaviour is reinforced. Over time, the rewards become less frequent. Eventually, the person continues repeating the same action almost automatically, even when it no longer brings any benefit or pleasure and may instead lead to loss or emotional discomfort.
Looking for a one-night stand: is it necessarily a bad thing?
Rasa says that when she first started using Tinder, she would often feel frustrated seeing profiles of men who were not looking for serious relationships. However, from a psychological perspective, the pursuit of casual encounters is not inherently negative.
“Psychologically speaking, it is neither good nor bad in itself. Everything depends on how we interpret the experience and the meaning we assign to it. If it is a conscious, mutually consensual choice that does not create inner conflict, it can simply be seen as one expression of sexuality.
However, if such encounters are used to compensate for low self-esteem, avoid intimacy, or ‘heal’ old emotional wounds, this behaviour may actually intensify feelings of loneliness. The more important question is not ‘Is it bad?’, but rather ‘Why do I want this, and how do I feel the next morning?’,” the psychologist explains.
Ghosting – why is it so common?
Another pattern often faced by many dating app users: exchanging messages with someone for a while, and then they suddenly vanish, no longer replying. This abrupt disappearance without explanation, commonly known as ghosting, is not as harmless as it may seem, psychologists say.
“I’m actually the one who disappears,” Rasa laughs. “My friends say I ghost people, but I don’t see it that way. If we’ve only exchanged three messages and I stop replying, is that really ghosting?
To me, ghosting is when you’ve been in a relationship for half a year and the person suddenly stops responding. If all communication has been online and I’ve never even met them, I don’t treat it as disappearance. Without meeting someone in person, I can’t even be sure who they really are,” she says.
Šidlauskas notes that disappearing without explanation is often simply convenient.
“Ghosting is a blow to a person’s self-esteem. As social beings, we depend on attention and need a daily dose of it. Not replying is convenient – people save their energy. If you had to respond to everyone and explain why you’re not interested, it would require a great deal of emotional effort.
It also takes courage to tell someone directly that you don’t like them. Few people are willing to do that. It demands psychological resources and bravery, while the internet often becomes a refuge for avoidance. There is also fear and insecurity: if I say I’m not interested, the other person might respond with something negative about me as well,” the psychologist explains.
How to tell if it’s becoming an addiction?
Because the mechanics of dating apps resemble those of gambling, dependency on them is also possible. According to the psychologist, problematic use begins when reaching for the phone becomes automatic – a way to fill an inner void or soothe anxiety.
“It is worth paying attention if you feel irritable when you cannot check new messages, or if swiping starts to take time away from work, sleep, or real-life interactions with friends. If the app becomes the only way to feel noticed or validated, that is a serious signal that one’s relationship with this technology has turned unhealthy,” Šidlauskas says.
At the same time, he stresses that dating apps themselves are not inherently harmful. Rather, they reflect the spirit of the times: with fewer opportunities to meet people organically, it is only natural that social and romantic interactions increasingly shift into the digital sphere.
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