When Malini Kontrimienė arrived in Lithuania from India fifteen years ago, foreigners were a rare sight. Today she speaks Lithuanian, raises three children, cooks both Indian curries and Lithuanian pancakes at home, and jokes that she may already be turning Lithuanian – largely on account of her fondness for cepelinai, the country's beloved potato dumplings.
The decision to settle in Lithuania came down to her husband's career. As an actor, his profession is bound to language, making Lithuania the natural choice. Malini, who works in IT, knew she could find employment almost anywhere.
"At first we thought we'd try Lithuania and see how it went. I was a little nervous at the beginning, but once I started living here I really liked it. I arrived for the first time in summer and it was very hot, so I was lucky," she recalls.
She quickly noticed one cultural quirk: Lithuanians have a strong preference for muted clothing.
"It was very hard to find a colourful jacket – they're always grey, white or black. My favourite colour is red or something bright. Colours matter to me," she laughs.
Stereotypes and surprises
When Malini first arrived, she encountered very few other foreigners. There are considerably more now, and she says the curious glances she used to attract have largely faded. Even so, she still occasionally comes up against stereotypes about India.
"Sometimes people jokingly ask whether we eat monkey heads or something like that. Once an older man asked where I was from, and when I said India, he replied that people there probably don't even have food. That's simply not true. India is a vast country – you can find everything there. There are millionaires and there are people with nothing. The economy is growing enormously. People just don't always know what's happening in India," she says.
Learning Lithuanian through love
Learning Lithuanian was no easy task. Her husband helped gradually at first, but the real turning point came with the birth of their daughter. He spoke to the child in Lithuanian, and Malini found herself picking up the language far more quickly as a result.
She was surprised to discover linguistic links between Lithuanian and her native Hindi.
"I thought it was just my imagination that they seemed similar. But later I found out that Lithuanian comes from Sanskrit," she says.
She also noticed that many Lithuanian names sound similar to Indian ones – Deividas, Indrė, Agnė, Vėjas. Her youngest son she named Vydūnas, after the Lithuanian philosopher who had deep connections with Indian philosophy and Ayurvedic medicine.
Between two worlds
The family have three children – two sons and an older daughter. At home they speak English, though Malini initially tried to communicate in Hindi. Over time, however, her own skills in her mother tongue began to fade, as there was simply nobody in Lithuania to speak it with, and English naturally became the family's common language. These days, Lithuanian is heard around the house more and more frequently.
Her relationship with her in-laws got off to a warm start even before she set foot in Lithuania. On her future mother-in-law's birthday, she called from India to offer her wishes in Lithuanian.
"I think it really opened hearts – they welcomed me so warmly," she recalls.
Her in-laws made a great effort to accommodate her, even preparing vegetarian dishes on her behalf. Malini herself, however, is not strictly vegetarian – she eats chicken. Most of her family back in India are vegetarian, and her grandmother still does not know. "She would find it very hard to accept," Malini laughs.
She cooks Indian food at least twice a week. The family are also fond of pasta, so Italian dishes regularly appear on the table alongside Lithuanian pancakes and dumplings. She has also developed a particular fondness for cepelinai. "Maybe I'm slowly becoming Lithuanian," she jokes.
Living in Lithuania has made her more attentive to food quality and ingredients. "I've started thinking that way too – I don't let the children eat much McDonald's," she smiles.
She has attended several Lithuanian concerts and has become particularly fond of Austėja Gendvilaitė-Austieja, a singer known for performing in the Samogitian dialect.
"We went to one of her concerts – it was incredible. My husband is from Kretinga, he's Samogitian, so perhaps that's why she's become our family's favourite. Though I can't say I listen to a great deal of Lithuanian music in general," she adds.
Lost connection with home
Malini reflects that she has always felt naturally at ease with the Lithuanian temperament. Indians, she says, are very extroverted – always wanting to be around people and at parties.
"That wasn't me, so I felt very comfortable in Lithuania. You don't always have to talk – with neighbours, you chat if you want to, and if you don't, that's fine. In India you always have to talk, and actually that can be harder for me," she admits.
Yet she also acknowledges a growing sense of inner conflict. After fifteen years away, she has drifted from the India she once knew.
"At first I missed India terribly. But now, after fifteen years, when I go back I feel it's no longer the India I knew – it has changed so much. I'm no longer sure where I feel most at home," she says.
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